Jenna Fischer and I are gonna build something this summer (maybe a fabulous circulation)

As of 2 pm today I am on summer vacation. I have spent the last week working on the final paper for my Rhetoric class. It was on sports blogging, particularly Deadspin, and what the notion of sports fans writing about their experiences achieves on a grand scale. I’ve gotta say, the idea of arguing for the journalistic merit of posting pictures of Ben Roethlisberger drinking like a champion (it humanizes him, makes him seem, you know, normal) still makes me giddy.

Plus, I think that I am the only person in the history of academia to quote someone saying “cockpumper.” Or “So long, ya fetus-faced windbag.”

All jokes aside, my paper was excellent (this topic was my teacher’s idea, by the way, based on previous work I did). I talked about the way fans are given a voice and how the commentary of the blogger is something that no paid journalist could write. Because they are not fans. They get paid. And I think I’ll be revisiting the topic for my Senior Thesis.

So on my way to turn the paper in I listened to Constructive Summer, the first track off the new Hold Steady record Stay Positive. Twice. So I am “gonna build something this summer.”

Earlier this week, this became my desktop background:

Having Jenna Fischer, Pam from The Office, and her butt in all its 1280 by 800 pixels of glory acts as a metaphorical framework for this, my final summer of college. You see, normally my desktop is cluttered with handfuls of unused open windows and what-nots. Now, Pam in all her magnificence gives me the proper motivation to keep only the essentials and enjoying sitting around and looking at butts. Deep eh? It works on a grand scale.

Plus, now I have something to break the ice with Ms. Fischer before she becomes Mrs. Crisp. Now, instead of “Hey, my name is Tim! On TV your boyfriend is Jim. Some call that coincidence, I call it fate, baby.” I can say, “Hey, I look at your naked ass while writing in my blog. Would you like to go to Vegas? I have an Oldsmobile.”

But while I wait around to woo the future bearer of my children, I plan on taking advantage of this time off. Sunday I will be attending the final day of the Pitchfork Festival to see Dinosaur Jr. and Spoon before jetting over to see my friend Ian Reynold’s record release show. I am going to publicly declare right now that I will limit myself to six Elliott Smith jokes.

And I’ll hang out in the city before making my way up to Madison with my friends Adam, Mark, and Sammy to see The Hold Steady and The Loved Ones! The last time I saw The Hold Steady was October 2006 at the Metro. One of the best things that I have ever witnessed. Without a doubt. And seeing The Loved Ones will be awesome, especially with the fact that Franz Nicolay and Tad Kubler had appearances on the band’s fantastic release Build and Burn.

The notion of singing along to the line “Me and my friends are like, ‘double whiskey, coke, no ice’” is enough. It will be an experience.

In other news, I spent part of the $28 I got back on my $90 rhetoric book to buy the vinyl re-issue of White Light/White Heat by the Velvet Underground. Before I get into that though, I’d like to take a moment to reflect on the fact that I paid over $60 to use a book for four weeks.

Fucking college.

But, listening to that record today made me want to drive out to a dessert and scream “I get it!” You see, I have always kind of shrugged off The Velvets and Lou Reed. Even though I read Please Kill Me. Even though I am eternally bound to Lou because of the fact that I apparently called him “Blue Reed” when I was a little boy (damnit I ruled). Even though my cousin has made every effort to assert the fact that he is a completely cool dude. Never really got it though. Now I get it. Oh, do I get it.