The Stooges vs. MC5

History: Much like yesterday’s battle of Minneapolis, The Stooges and MC5 had quite similar uprisings in their native Detroit. Both bands are seen as largely responsible for the rise of punk rock. The MC5 came first, releasing their brutal Kick Out the Jams in 1969. That same year, The Stooges released their self-titled debut, following up with Fun House [the namesake of Das Fun Haus, my house at ISU] the next year. Both gained notoriety for their no-holds-barred live shows, though the MC5 separated themselves through their left-wing politics (members of the White Panther Party, performers at the Chicago protest of the Democratic National Convention, and saying “brothers and sisters” a lot). The only thing The Stooges ever protested was John Cale’s refusal to record the amps on full power, performing a studio sit-in which produced the track “We Will Fall.”

Why they fight: The bands often played together and The Stooges helped the MC5 get signed to Elektra. There is no logical reason for them to fight—other than the sheer enjoyment of being able to see eight crazy mothers beat the shit out of each other. So, without any further ado: representing The Stooges are Iggy Pop, Scott and Ron Asheton, and saxophonist Steve MacKay. For the MC5 we have Wayne Kramer, Dennis Thompson, Michael Davis, and current MC5 singer Handsome Dick Manitoba in place of the dearly departed Robin Tyner.

Who wins: In the tradition of late 60’s Detroit: ANYTHING GOES. Bats. Chains. Blades. Meet in the alley. Kick the shit out of each motherfuckers! And MacKay goes down with a bottle to the face. Michael Davis gets squashed in between the Asheton brothers. And Handsome Dick goes down after Iggy hits him with a right hand covered in peanut butter. Chunky peanut butter. The Ashetons look to size up Wayne Kramer while Iggy takes on Thompson. Kramer begins berating the brothers about how the situation is a metaphorical representation of the imbalance in the marketplace. “This is Detroit motherfucker!” screams Scott, “we don’t care about equal distribution.” And down goes Kramer! Down goes Kramer! “Alright boys now take out this guy for me,” Iggy yells as he’s doing all those crazy double-jointed Iggy moves to avoid Thompson. “You know if you ask me, Scott and Ron, I think that you’re a bit blinded,” Thompson tells them. “Brothers, don’t you see that Iggy Pop is the bourgeoisie. You are the proletariat. It may be The Stooges now, but don’t you know that people still say Iggy & The Stooges. Sure, he’ll call you up after he’s run out of ways to turn your legend into profit, but what happens when David Bowie shows up again?” The Ashetons seem to be listening. Iggy is nervous, though he remains silent. “What you’ve got to ask yourself,” Thomspon says, “is do you wanna continue to be Iggy’s dogs?” There is silence. Contemplation. Tension. Until Ron knocks out Thompson. “Yes,” he says, standing over Thompson. “It’s fun.”

For the final fight of the week, Debbie Harrie vs. Pat Benatar vs. Chrissie Hynde. It's what they call a Triple Threat Match.